Not Quite an Epiphany

Today, I realized something.

I've mentioned before that from March until the beginning of August, I sat at my computer and I wrote 2000 words before I went to bed, if it killed me and made me absolutely exhausted (minus one day where I could not even sit up because I was so dizzy, let alone think about writing). And during that time period, I better understood the thought behind actually assisting the creative process by doing this, because it actually did work. I was able to sit down, almost whenever I wanted to, up to a point, and basically put down 2000 words of a story, any story. I got so good at this, that I started writing short stories in 1-3 sittings, depending on how tired I was, or how far the story wanted to go.

The think was, while I wrote a lot during this time period (from March 1 to August 10, I put down around 370,000 [yes, I kept a record of it], which to put it in perspective, is about eight NaNoWriMos), I did not complete a lot. I was thinking about that today, when I realized that, "Hey, maybe I don't need to concentrate so much on my word count anymore. I've proven that I can sit down for months on end and write everyday. Maybe now I need to concentrate on getting things done."

Therefore, this is the direction I will now be heading in. I'm not sure what project I'm going to be working on for the next month and eight days I'm going to be working on before NaNoWriMo starts. I might just focus on getting back into the writing habit, but not with the strictness I was at it before. I might do a collection of short works, just to prove to myself that I can complete a larger body of work. But I have a lot of ideas, which I think is good, because if you don't even have an idea, nothing can grow inside your head. So, that's where I'm at right now, and I even did some writing on Sunday. So I'm getting back into it. I promise.

I just realized something... PART 2

In reflecting on this blog, along with a lot of other things recently, I came to remember something. I went back and read my mission statement and my about me to really confirm this. This blog is about my foray into writing, and what I think, not just specifically about topic I pick out and schedule that make me completely crash and burn when i realize I have no idea what I'm doing/ or I feel as if I know kind of what I'm doing, but by that token, are not well enough read and researched to do all of that.

This is about me and my writing experience. I really need to get over not knowing everything and just keep going.

Le sigh. Being a little existential can be kind of liberating, but also kind of sad in the fact that you realize you'll never really blog about something "cool." (Oh, yeah and if you search Writer's Smithy in an engine, I garuntee you, there are other people using this name.) So I really need to get over never getting famous and be okay with being me and all. Besides, I know I'm going to be fantastic, and that I always seek to accomplish something better than simply, "my best." It makes me wonder though, "Why am I so worried about playing the fame game?"

I think that scholarship I mentioned a few posts back had something to do with it. I wanted to have a really cool, well written, well organized blog to show off to the judges. And I thought I could do that (and here's hoping for next year). But there's also the Christopher Paolinis of the world, who not only finished a novel (cheers to NaNoWriMo for telling people they could do that no matter what age they are and then helping them prove it) but so thoroughly marketed and advertised it, it got picked up by a major publishing company. And I think it comes back to my own need to feel recognized for doing something good, that pat on the head I needed at the end of the day from my teachers, because none of the other kids would play with me. In a way I really need recognition for doing good.

I think another thing that brought me back to this blog was how much I loved feeling some sense of accomplishment during the months of March, April, May and June where I, without fail, if it kills me, unless I was too dizy to sit up and think let alone write, wrote 2000 words every single day. I not only felt good for getting out there and doing it, but my prose grew a lot during that time. I managed to get out stories on a first draft and go the distance for many of them, instead of just leaving them hanging.

Stuff all of my internal pretensions. I'm doing this for myself and I'm going to like it!

Speaking of that whole writing thing: it's come to a grinding halt. I'm working on it.

Much love, luck and pixie-dust.

I just realized something...

You know, I don't think I'm nearly well read enough to do what I want to do here. I don't really think I know what I'm talking about yet...More on that later. I can't say when, but yeah...