Well, I've got a working keyboard again, and better still, it's actually on my laptop. My touch pad mouse is working again, too, so I was fairly "HUZZAH," when all this happen. Now I'm a little, "...Meh..." The reason for this stems from a few events, which I must explain before I can get to a point I want to make about writing.
Yesterday, I set a to do list, because yesterday several things happened, chief among them being I realized I had a lot to do. I am way behind on my book reviews, I went to my evangelism class and I wanted to read nineteen (19) books before I returned them to the library on Sunday (the 24th, not yesterday itself). Oh, and on Saturday (aka. the day before yesterday) I decided to scrap what I had for my Camp NaNoWriMo novel and start again. Backwards.
Today, I woke up, did the first thing on my to-do list and showered (yes, during the summer I do occasionally become one of those geeks who need the reminder...), I ate breakfast and I reviewed the list. The first thing I did was read the book for my evangelism class. Then I read Matthew chapter 1, as I'm also going to start doing daily devotions again. Then I brushed my teeth, and with minty fresh breath, I sat down at my computer and began to write a new scene for my CaNaNoWriMo novel, The Next Great Magician. I got about three hundred words in and then, I just lost it.
This might be a hard thing to explain to someone who's never written for pleasure, but when you have such motivation (and I do (or did), I wrote over 5000 words on Sunday), but when you loose a story which you can see so clearly in your mind, it kills you a little on the inside. But then I just decided that I was more used to writing towards the end of the day, so I decided to give it a little time. So I goofed off on the internet. Now, here I am at the end of the day.
I have not written in this blog for over a week, not counting my cop out post, I haven't written up any of my book reviews. I have barely touched a book all day (besides the Mark Cahill book for my evangelism class, and the bible), and though I did get my brother a birthday present and I had to wait a half-hour or so for my computer to be fixed. I haven't gone beyond that three hundred words.
I certainly have reasons for this; after all, I made an outline. Outlines are tricky for me, because I tend to tell too much of the story there. I visualize things as if I were writing actual prose instead of the outline. So, when I finish an outline, sometimes I feel like I've finished a story, when there's nothing good about just the outline. But the biggest reason I think I no longer feel like writing about the Next Great Magician is this: crazy goals.
To actually win NaNoWriMo in the time remaining from when I started over, I would have had to write 3334 words a day. This might have been pretty doable, but I decided to challenge myself and bump that up to 5000 words. It might have still been pretty doable, after all, I did it yesterday, with almost no problem. But now I just feel...drained I guess. I think The Next Great Magician decided it was going to take a vacation, and I decided to push it after only one day of rest. If I had set a more reasonable goal (like say, writing the 20000 words I would have needed to win NaNoWriMo), I think I might have actually done okay.
But the thing about setting such hard goals for yourself, is that when you fail, you fail hard. One of the reasons I set 2000 words as my daily goal for my yearlong writing project is that because 2000 words is difficult for me to reach, but not so difficult that I have constant trouble keeping it (okay, there was a time when I yelled at my computer via capslock, because I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed, but could not seem to reach 2000 words, but that was just once). 5000 words did not even seem like a reasonable goal when I set it, because I wanted to power through my novel.
In fact, I think I noticed that about most my goals (save for the book reviews...maybe, I'll let you know when I get there). Trying to read nineteen books in a week isn't impossible, nor is writing 5000 words a day. But when you pile those on top of one another, along with other commitments. It gets intimidating, and more importantly, it takes the joy out of what you are trying to do. I want to read the nineteen books because my friends and I have a contest going, but it's just a friendly contest. Nothing that I actually need to get up in arms about (especially since the only prize is bragging rights).
I think that's what NaNo is for me right now. Bragging rights. Would I get The Next Great Magician published? I don't know. Maybe, if I ever felt confident enough about it. But right now, trying to write this is kind of sucking the joy out of writing for me. I think I'm going to give this novel a vacation. Maybe indefinitely, maybe not.
But I think the important thing here is that I keep writing. And, you know, set better goals for myself. I think I'll stick with the 2000 a day.
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