I just realized something... PART 2

In reflecting on this blog, along with a lot of other things recently, I came to remember something. I went back and read my mission statement and my about me to really confirm this. This blog is about my foray into writing, and what I think, not just specifically about topic I pick out and schedule that make me completely crash and burn when i realize I have no idea what I'm doing/ or I feel as if I know kind of what I'm doing, but by that token, are not well enough read and researched to do all of that.

This is about me and my writing experience. I really need to get over not knowing everything and just keep going.

Le sigh. Being a little existential can be kind of liberating, but also kind of sad in the fact that you realize you'll never really blog about something "cool." (Oh, yeah and if you search Writer's Smithy in an engine, I garuntee you, there are other people using this name.) So I really need to get over never getting famous and be okay with being me and all. Besides, I know I'm going to be fantastic, and that I always seek to accomplish something better than simply, "my best." It makes me wonder though, "Why am I so worried about playing the fame game?"

I think that scholarship I mentioned a few posts back had something to do with it. I wanted to have a really cool, well written, well organized blog to show off to the judges. And I thought I could do that (and here's hoping for next year). But there's also the Christopher Paolinis of the world, who not only finished a novel (cheers to NaNoWriMo for telling people they could do that no matter what age they are and then helping them prove it) but so thoroughly marketed and advertised it, it got picked up by a major publishing company. And I think it comes back to my own need to feel recognized for doing something good, that pat on the head I needed at the end of the day from my teachers, because none of the other kids would play with me. In a way I really need recognition for doing good.

I think another thing that brought me back to this blog was how much I loved feeling some sense of accomplishment during the months of March, April, May and June where I, without fail, if it kills me, unless I was too dizy to sit up and think let alone write, wrote 2000 words every single day. I not only felt good for getting out there and doing it, but my prose grew a lot during that time. I managed to get out stories on a first draft and go the distance for many of them, instead of just leaving them hanging.

Stuff all of my internal pretensions. I'm doing this for myself and I'm going to like it!

Speaking of that whole writing thing: it's come to a grinding halt. I'm working on it.

Much love, luck and pixie-dust.